getting back on track

17 Mar

Prognosis negative. That was a slight reference to Seinfeld but I’m mostly alluding to the fact that my blood tests came back negative for celiac disease. I must tell you that after I received this information, at work, I was two seconds away from a mental breakdown. It was very defeating. I am so confused and to know what is wrong would be such a relief! I talked with my doctor and she suggests I go to a gastroenterologist and still get the biopsy to confirm because there is still a possibility that the test results could be a false-negative. So next Wednesday, that is where I will find myself, at the “intestines doc”.

After wallowing in my confusion and disappointment for a while, I found some energy and decided that I need to get back on track with my health. When I was off gluten for those few weeks, despite the days that I felt miserable, I definitely was eating better and I was feeling much more in shape. I will admit that since I have gotten the go-ahead to eat gluten I’ve been eating anything, with reckless abandon. This arose mostly out of  my frustration but now I am feeling just plain yucky about it all. I had been eating a lot of Girl Scout cookies (evil temptresses!) and because I’ve had no energy and felt horrible so many days I have not been working out. By my records, I have not done any planned physical activity since February 23rd? Yikes!

I have resolved to work much harder at healing despite not knowing what is wrong and to get back on track. I had planned to start a detox as soon as I found out that “I had celiac disease” (ha! so much for plans), but I am going to put that on the back burner until I have my next doctors visit. In the meantime, I have made a few goals to pamper and care for myself.

I started off by purchasing some pampering items at the store… 

A brush to give “dry brushing” a try. I learned more about this from Ashley. My skin has been itchy and dry lately so I wanted to give it a shot. Which leads me to the Aura Cacia Milk and Oatmeal Bath. This will help soothe my skin and be relaxing (can’t wait for that one). Cute pink nail polish because I never paint my nails and it sounds fun to me right now. And lastly, some basil seeds. I have tried numerous times to keep a basil plant in the house and I’ve failed EVERY time. I want to try it (again). If anyone has basil plant secrets, please offer them up! I struggle every time. I have successfully kept a few plants alive so I’m not terrible at the whole green thumb thing, just basil for some reason!

One of the goals I have set for myself includes getting back to exercising as much as possible. That is exactly what I did yesterday and it felt so stinking good! I spent 30 minutes on the bike and 30 minutes on the treadmill.So many people complain about the treadmill but often I find myself craving to get on it. To me it feels therapeutic and empowering (I know, weird). I also love to run outside but for some reason I feel like I can push myself more on a treadmill and that for some reason, is a HUGE stress reliever for me.

It is more waiting. Waiting to figure this all out. But I just can’t sit around (unless I’m completely ill) and be apathetic. I have to keep trying to be healthy. I can’t stop. I feel like that is what I have let myself do in the past month. I don’t like how it makes me feel about myself and how it makes my mind work. I have to keep trying and keep taking care of my body. I’m going to pamper. Maybe get a haircut and a massage.

But I can’t stop trying. 

Kaleigh

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