16 May

On this balmy evening, with birds a tweet, tweet, tweeting outside our window, I can’t help but feel relaxed.

I felt very stressed and agitated at work today, and when I arrived home, I an overwhelming sense of calm came over me. A couple days ago, I briefly touched on the thought that I really relish the ability to be able to hang around our little home and literally do nothing. As a tried and true introvert (but oddly enough sometimes an extrovert), I need my time to withdraw from the daily stressors and completely unwind. I gain energy from withdrawal. It feeds my heart, soul, body and mind. When I have a chance to set aside time, I often overflow with love and thankfulness.

Once I arrive at this point, I believe this is where I tend to falter. What do I do now? I’m revitalized and bewildered, now what? Do I make cookies? Do I go for a run? Should I make a craft? Finally work on our wedding/honeymoon scrapbook? Develop a new recipe? Go build a house for Habitat for Humanity? Or do the dishes? Read a book? Clean up our house and replace the shower curtain that ripped two months ago?

On one hand, there are so many things that I would like to do. On the other hand, it is now 7:21 pm and I feel as my day is nearly over. Do I really have the time to conquer a task? Indecision takes over and then all of a sudden I feel as though my eyelids weight 50 lbs. each and I can’t see straight anymore.

The past few days this indecision has led me to eat pretty much the same meal for the past three nights (not including Sunday), which is pan-fried potatoes over greens, with avocado chunks and pesto drizzled on top. I must say the combination is rocking my world, but at some point I’m not going to want it. I feel as I may be teetering on that line tonight. Is it that I am being lazy? I don’t know. I feel as though my energy has dropped significantly in the past few days and I am in a serious “packaged food” hump. As we speak I am dreaming about golden Oreos and it wouldn’t hurt my feelings if they happened to end up in a Blizzard.

So where do I go from here?

Coincidentally, my body seems to crave less-than-ideal foods when I am eating less than ideal foods. Its a vicious circle. I’ve also found that the more carbs I eat (i.e. oatmeal, rice chips) the more my body just wants to hoard all that glucose-y goodness that it can possibly take and deposit in less than ideal spots on my body. Since I have been done with my detox, I have had oatmeal nearly every breakfast. I’m not ridiculing oatmeal, as it is one of my all time favorite foods, but in lieu of fruit-o-rific smoothies for breakfast, carb-o-rific oatmeal has taken over. I think this has led to a snowball effect. I want more and more simple sugars throughout the day. It hasn’t been horrible, but it hasn’t been great. Less fruits and less salads has led to a dull girl.

On the plus side, I have started developing a nasty little habit of waking up at 4:45 am to go work out. It’s a little scary (only because I am paranoid) but once I am done I just loooove it! I’ve found that it’s a hopeless cause to try to get myself to workout after work. Therefore mornings, when the sun is just about the get woken up by the dogs howling at fire engines, oh no, thats us…. …when the sun is just about to peak its warmy goodness over the horizon, seems to be the only time that I can get a jaunt in. I need to continue this as it is going to be my second golden ticket to harnessing more energy and hopefully a little less foggy brained. For some reason that phrase immediately reminded me of Foghorn Leghorn. What a strange character.

And then there’s meat… As of recently meat has made me develop a rare and never before seen aversion. Fish is even kind of pushing it. As we speak I am marinating some chicken breasts in what should be a delightful combination, but the thought of actually eating it makes me want blow my Foghorn in a Leghorn, and not in a good way. I’ve thought about going vegetarian. Several times actually. Even vegan, but that was quickly reproached as I am a true lover of eggs and if I’m going to cheat on my diet, I tell you what, its going to be on this ice cream. Even with having my nutritionist background, I am still trying to determine what is the best diet for me. I certainly I have deducted that the majority should be minimally processed foods and limiting refined carbohydrates is ideal. But I still haven’t quite figured out the balance of fats and proteins for me. Its a work in progress. Just like everything in general. Our marriage. My faith. Who I am. What I can be. What I should eat. That’s life.

So I will continue tinkering and resting and then waking up quite early and hopefully I will get out of this foggy little slump.



2 Responses to “foggy”

  1. my little celebration May 19, 2011 at 6:21 pm #

    you are the cutest! I adore your home page profile pic. What kind of glasses are those you have on?!

    • Kaleigh May 26, 2011 at 4:03 pm #

      Thank you! The glasses are actually fake ones that my husband picked up at Urban Outfitters 🙂

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