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outside help

18 Oct

I’ve never been great at asking for help.

I’m not really sure where this personality trait came from.

I like to think that it is because I was raised as a strong, independent woman but in reality it is probably because I am stubborn and think that I can only rely on myself most of the time. Don’t get me wrong! I mean I love it when Kyle helps around the house. But lets just say that he hasn’t quite perfected the art of laundry. Like the time he left wet clothes in the washer for four days and the mildew smell just about made me loose my breakfast and want to run out of the apartment.

Regardless of the reason for my independence, this is a matter of fact. Normally I wouldn’t ask someone to go get me a napkin at a restaurant or for my husband to go get me a hot dog on his way home from work at 10 o’clock at night, but pregnancy has allowed me to break out of my self-sufficiency shell and start asking for some help. I don’t feel like it has gotten to the point of taking advantage of people, and I hope it never does, but I do feel like I have taken some pleasure in passing some responsibility to take some self-induced pressure off myself.

During my 14 weeks of pregnancy, I have felt guilty about one thing. I really have not eaten as clean and healthy as I was before we took our trip to California. For a while, nothing sounded good to me. And for a while, all I wanted was french fries and ranch dressing. And throughout this whole 14 weeks, I really have allowed myself to eat whatever sounded good to me at the time, and if that included pizza and candy corn, then so be it. For instance, my breakfast choices have been cereal or almost-plain oatmeal. My lunches and dinner: soup, pre-made salads, mashed potatoes, guacamole and chips, whatever. Nothing spectacular and certainly nothing blog-worthy.

On the other hand, there are a two things about this situation that has made me feel a bit less guilty than I thought I would. It has been nice to eat freely and not obsess about remaining gluten and dairy free. Also, I still have not gained much weight thus far, so this makes me feel that I haven’t over-indulged in potato chips and french fries to the point of insanity or danger.

But the guilt remains that I really have not been fueling my body or our baby very well and I most certainly have not been cooking much at all for my husband. Now that I am getting my appetite back and I am ready for some healthy food again I am sensing that it is time I need to start eating better and get back into the kitchen. The only problem with this is that I have NO culinary creativity currently (see list of meals above). Almost nightly I am texting Kyle to ask him what he thinks I should make for dinner.

Luckily, I’ve been contacted by the VeloPress company to help review their latest cookbook The Feeding Zone by Biju Thomas and Allen Lim. This book is very much geared towards athletes. Since finding out our great news, I’ve taken back seat in this area, but my husband is still working hard on his cycling endeavors. Even so, this book is not only for athletes. While thumbing through the pages upon its arrival, I was drawn to the short ingredient lists, minimal prep and cook time and clean, fresh ingredients. Simplicity with a purpose. And truthfully the generous protein servings and nutrient dense ingredients will be perfect for a growing baby. This book makes me feel comfortable with the time and nutrition that it will provide my family.

Tonight we try out Ground Turkey Shepherd’s Pie.

This recipe was really easy. And I will be honest that when I was piling the meat in with the mashed potatoes on top, I thought there would be little flavor, merely because there were so few ingredients. But I was wrong! It was great and very comforting on a chilly fall evening.

This recipe perfectly embodies what I mentioned earlier about there being good, lean protein sources as well as vital nutrients for both a growing baby and a training athlete.

I’m looking forward to more help from this source. I’ve got not problem leaning on chef Biju and doctor Lim for meals because otherwise, we’re back to eating cereal and spaghetti with jar pasta for dinner.




14 May

Sometimes I feel like I am a pregnant woman.

Stay with me here, I’m not trying to freak you out but sometimes I have serious cravings for particular food.  It’s like if I can’t eat three sprinkled donuts in the next five minutes my stomach may eat itself and my head may explode.  This got me thinking what is going on?  How come I can crave a cheeseburger while I am eating dinner? Why are cravings assaulting me irregardless of time of day, or hunger?  Is it the full moon?  Am I some mutant human that craves various foods at various times, morphing me into a über unpleasant person with only one goal in mind?  While I would be ok with that if it gave me X-Ray vision or the ability to fly to the nearest donut shop, I don’t think this is happening.  So I decided to do a little research.

I discovered that the body is really freaking cool.  According to a Discovery Health article, hunger comes from the body while cravings come from the mind.  When you are hungry a hormone called ghrelin is released and tells your mind, specifically the hypothalamus (a really awesome thing that regulates a lot of body functions) to “GET ME FOOD!”  The hypothalamus then tells the rest of the body, “Hey let’s go get some food…” and you can figure out the rest from there.  But when you have a food craving your mind takes over.  It was believed that cravings were your body’s way of getting a specific nutrient, but scientists have recently decided this isn’t the case.  Instead, according to this article, food cravings follow a similar neurological path as drug addiction.  The same part of your brain is used, usually pulling a particular food from a memory and then urging you to get this food.  Once you eat it (usually something sweet in my case) your brain rewards you with dopamine, which is the “feel good hormone.” According to the article “Neurologically speaking, that fast food joint isn’t much different from a person selling drugs.” Hmmm I guess that makes sense, whenever I think about In and Out Burger I do get pretty ravenous and start freaking out that I can’t get it.  This probably helps explain why so many Americans are overweight! Instead of being addicted to drugs, the majority of Americans are addicted to greasy, fatty fast food…and maybe some drugs.  Hey me too! On the food part, not the drug part, unless coffee is a drug, which I am beginning to think it is.

Anyway back to the brain and cravings.  It turns out your cravings and taste preferences for different foods are created in the WOMB! That’s right, if you hate tomatoes, thank your mom.  During the second trimester your sense of taste and smell develop based off what your mom was eating.  And if your mom was more adventurous while she was pregnant, eating a variety of food, when you born you were probably more open to trying new foods!  Crazy.

It turns out another big portion of cravings come from memory.  After all you can’t really crave something you have never had.  I think you can crave a combination of foods you have never had, but that bacon and ice cream combo you are thinking of is made up of two different tastes you already know and love.  That is why I crave In and Out Burger I think, because every time I have had it I was on vacation.

So what are the consequences?

Well food addicts, like drug addicts constantly increase the amount of their given vice to get that “high”, meaning every time you give into your food cravings for donuts, or cheeseburgers you are lifting your threshold higher so next time you will need to eat three burgers instead of two to get the same content feeling (dopamine).  I don’t know how true this is though because every time I give into a donut craving I can still only eat 2-3, not 4-5, but maybe I don’t give in often enough to make a difference.  It is crazy to me that food = drugs for some people.  Actually not some people, most people.  It is a vicious circle too because the foods we crave are so easily/quickly accessed and so cheaply purchased. I am blessed by the fact that I get to be married to a nutritionist, who has totally changed my eating habits, and made me more aware of what I am eating, too bad everyone couldn’t be married to one.  I think it also helpful to be active, it is hard to survive a long training ride on donuts and cheeseburgers.  I think I would die.

So what does all this mean?

Well for me it means that food cravings are normal.  Everyone has them, it just varies from person to person on how often you indulge.  Kaleigh is always saying “Everything in moderation.” To try to live your life without ever giving into your food cravings is just plain stupid.  You will be miserable.  In fact if you are on a diet or trying to lose weight giving in every once in a while will make you more successful in the long run.  Think about it this way, if you can have one snickers bar a week then you will be less likely to break down one day and eat a gallon of ice cream.  It also means that the body is AMAZING! There are so many complex reactions and processes going on every second it makes it hard for me to understand how people can’t acknowledge that some greater power is responsible.  It all works to perfectly, at least in my opinion.  Lastly it means Kaleigh’s teachings are rubbing off on me.  Before I met her I wouldn’t have cared what I ate as long as it tasted good, but now I am reading labels at grocery stores and am trying to get rid of processed foods…except for the occasional donut!

information overload

21 Apr

Eating food.

Having a meal.

A quick snack.

It sounds so simple but unfortunately the recent surge in information about ‘healthy’ foods, what kind to eat, which to avoid, trans fats, organic, low glycemic, antioxidant etc. etc. etc. It’s turned out to be so much more confusing than it needs to be. It really is simple but the whole concept has been so convoluted by our own doing.

For example, the other day I saw a picture of a berry-flavored 7up and the subtitle on the bottle was “Antioxidants!” What this tells me is that this company is banking on the fact that putting this nutritional buzz word right on the front of this bottle is going to get the attention of the common buyer that seeks to be healthy, but may not have the real motivation to do it and in turn they will purchase the product hoping that drinking a new and improved soda with antioxidants will get them a little closer to their goal without having to sacrifice too much. Brilliant! But my question is, in what bizarre world has soda ever been considered a healthy option?

I feel like there is a huge marketing conspiracy going on here. The information we currently have about how to eat “healthier” is so free flowing and abundant, but yet we are still getting more obese and therefore, less healthy. I went to a seminar a few weeks ago and the speaker noted that some studies have shown that in the “beginning ages” the average man was at the health level of a modern triathlete we think of today, and that was just the average dude! Look at today; the majority of Americans are soooo far away from that! Modern conveniences have made us more dependent on technology and fast food joints which has made us lazier and less dependent on having to seek out and obtain our own food (hunt and gather). This (im)perfect storm has led to us being extremely unhealthy.

So where do we go from here? Well to be honest with you I highly suggest reading Michael Pollan’s In Defense of Food if you haven’t already. The key foundations of this book are simple and exactly what I believe. They make complete sense to me, and luckily he doesn’t leave out his intelligent and slightly sarcastic quips to make the book even more entertaining.

If you don’t feel like curling up to a book, here are the ways that I decide what to eat. Most of these are pretty similar to what Michael Pollan states in his book and most operate on the basis of generally sticking with what our ancestors knew and how they survived.

For instance, they ate whole foods. Whole fruits and vegetables, handmade bread, full fat dairy. Minimally processed, real foods. I rarely eat pre-packaged foods. When I do, I aim for them to have a very short ingredient list and it is all in a language that I can understand. Basically the focus is to make as much of my food choices “whole foods”, or foods that are in the original form that they were grown.

Have balance and variety. It’s never good to have too much of one nutrient in your diet and not enough of another. For example, eating way too much protein or only ever eating one kind of fruit. When I decide what to eat, I try to have some protein (in the form of either animal protein, beans or legumes) some veggies and/or fruit and a little bit of carbohydrate like brown rice, crackers, etc. Plus, I try not to have the same foods every day. This insures that you are getting a variety of nutrients and vitamins necessary for all the processes your body needs to perform. Along with balance comes…

Indulge… but not too much. You have to treat yourself every once in a while. And you know what, if you make a meal out a few brownies every once in a while, then that’s fine too. You just can’t make this a daily habit.

Don’t stress about food too much. Once you get to a point that you have your “go-to” foods, and you know you like them and that they are minimally processed and of good quality, try not to obsess about food so much. I struggle with this one myself, but it’s not healthy to be worrying about food constantly. Like I said, if you are getting the variety and focusing mostly on whole foods, then you should not have to worry about your sporadic indulges. I will catch myself worrying about indulging too much or how I can’t have this or that but it really does me no good. As long as I mindful about what I am eating, listen to my body, I will know exactly when to eat, what to eat, and when to stop. 

If you choose to model your lifestyle after how our ancestors lived, this also includes activity. They had to hunt and/or work for their food. We definitely do not. It is just plain true that your body works better when you have regular exercise. To maintain weight and health 30 minutes 3-5 times a week is perfect. It doesn’t have to marathon training, but light jogging or walks everyday. I speak from experience. I’ve been on both ends of the work-out spectrum and things are just better to have regular activity.

If you can’t remember what I or Michael Pollan have advised, there are several companies and even grocery stores taking helpful and NOT confusing steps to help consumers out. If you haven’t noticed, Safeway has put together a new program called Simple Nutrition. They contacted me to see if I would be interested in checking out one of their stores and how the program works. I stopped into a local store and right away in the front I was met with a big stand alone sign that had in-depth information about the program. Several folks at the company did a review of all their items and judged them on a list of requirements. The items that made the cut that were “low in sodium” or “gluten free”, etc. are now labeled throughout the store to make shopping healthily even easier. With all my current restrictions in diet, I absolutely found this helpful. They even have a whole 4 ft by 8ft (?) section completely set aside for gluten free items! This program would be very helpful to a person who is starting out on a completely unfamiliar way of eating. Be careful though, because just because the tags say “low in sugar” does not mean that it should make up the whole basis of your meals, remember, BALANCE!!

The kind people offered me a Safeway $25 gift card to give out to readers to get you guys out there hunting down your own healthy meals! To be entered to win this little card of sunshine, you must leave a comment on this post telling me a simple step you can take to improve your health! To leave a comment, just click, “Leave a comment” on the bottom of the post. I will randomly pick a winner by Saturday 10 am (MST) and will mail it to the winner.

Good luck!!!

I’m off to clean our disgusting apartment and hopefully make some of my own deliciously healthy eats!!


OH and P.S. This card can be also used at the following: Vons, Pavillions, Genuardi’s, Dominick’s Carrs, Randalls and Tom Thumb 🙂

an exhausting day 10

8 Apr

Detox. Day 10.

Today was an extremely weird day. There were highs and lows at every turn. I don’t want to go into too much detail currently because quite frankly, I am, well… exhausted.

Breakfast was the same as yesterday cause I loved it so much!

Purple slurple!


Kyle and I ran errands in the morning, which is where most of all the highs and lows came from. While out, we stopped at Costco and we got a green smoothie sample…It’s looks so ridiculously gross, but it was great! It had orange, pineapple, lime, banana, spinach and grape juice. We went back home very excited about our purchases… I’ll give you a hint…(!!!!!)and got to work making some lunch before we both had to get into work. My lunch was an Asian-inspired dish.

Faux Fried Rice– I can post the method later but it basically has in it scrambled egg, millet, garlic, fresh ginger, green onion, green beans and sesame oil. Not too shabby, I just needed a little more flavor. I also had another crumbly blueberry muffin with coconut butter. I’m still extremely disappointed in these muffins :(.  

At work I snacked on some almonds and walnuts… ooh bad picture, sorry!

Dinner was an odd combination, but it worked and kept me full!

I had a rice cake topped with smashed avocado (mixed with a little olive oil and salt and pepper) and topped it with lentils. On the side I had more curried cauliflower soup. As I was walking out the door, I had another applesauce to-go. 

Ok. I’m down for the count.


something got me!

7 Apr

Another busy day today and I’ll be honest with you, I’ve just lost a lot of steam. I started my day off with a great smoothie! In it was:

  • handful baby spinach
  • 3/4 c mixed frozen berries
  • 1/2 banana
  • 1 c almond milk
  • tbsp Barlean’s strawberry banana flax oil
  • pinch cardamom

As soon as I walked into work, I was running around getting stuff done. I made myself take a quick break to enjoy this little morsel…

A blueberry muffin with sunbutter atop! I’m having trouble with this whole gluten free baking thing. The taste is always great, but the texture is always off. You can read about my last incident here. These muffins taste great but they are super crumbly. As soon as you take a bite, they crumble into an avalanche of gluten-free despair. I follow the directions completely, so I don’t understand what is going on!

I tried not to rush as much for lunch today, so I went with an easy meal. I reheated curried cauliflower soup and did a faux pb&j on a rice cake. 

I very much prefer eating soup in a large coffee cup rather than a bowl. It’s so much better to heat it up in the microwave because you never burn your hand pulling it out! Plus it just feels more like comfort food to me in a coffee cup.

After getting back to work for a few hours and coming home, I had a fresh and non-grassy tasting gala apple. 

This evening I had a special dinner training for work. Eating out can get a little tricky while on a detox, and it DID get tricky. For starters we had preselected choices for us. We had a salad plus either a chicken dish (with cream), pasta dish (gluten), salmon dish with shoestring potatoes, and another salad (with no protein?). I ordered my salad without the preselected gorgonzola cheese. Another lady got my salad and was seconds to mowing down on it while simultaneously the waiter tried to give me a cheese plate…. the lady was like 20 years older than me too and we DID not look a thing alike so I’m not sure what happened… so I got a salad that I didn’t dress and she may have eaten off of. Awesome. 

Plus while waiting for our salads, I had to pass up a bursting basket of delicious handmade bread. And I know it’s good because Kyle and I have ate at this place previously. Anyways, the salad was delicious though. It was very fresh, which I think it came from the mixed greens. The vibrant earthy flavors came out them so much.

Dinner may have been the culprit. The culprit of the heartburn and indigestion currently happening. I went with the salmon. I though it would be the LEAST likely to have any “no-no’s”. 

The fish sat on top of fried tomatoes, which I avoided. The shoestring potatoes, I did eat. Not all of them, but I’m thinking that these guys were what did me in because all the way home I was burping up french fry-taste.

So here I am, somewhat confused, again about what exactly is going on. Something had to sneak into my meal that doesn’t go well with my system because I haven’t felt like this for almost two weeks…

More investigation required. I will be watching very closely.

But for now, I am going to bed. Kyle and I have an important meeting with the tax man, er, lady tomorrow morning. Nothing like waiting until the last minute, right?!


day 8 and a treat

6 Apr

Today was stop and go. I got up with a lot of things on my to-do list and I got most of them knocked off. This morning I made my favorite smoothie. I’ve renamed it too. I used to call it ‘funky monkey’ but now it’s Dreamy Creamy. I’ve named it this because that is exactly what the texture is.

  • banana
  • heaping tablespoon homemade sunbutter
  • a couple shakes cinnamon
  • Barlean’s Total Omega 3-6-9 Orange Swirl
  • 1 c almond milk
  • a couple ice cubes
  • vanilla Clearvite

Yuuummm! My favorite!!

After breakfast, I got ready to go run some errands. Top of the list was to pick up my wedding band and engagement ring! I took them in for a cleaning and maintenance and I haven’t had them for a week. I felt naked!! I decided to cut my errands list a little short to head back home and get some lunch a brewin’. While I was cooking, I had a piece of socca with coconut butter. 

It was a rainy, gloomy day so I thought soup would be a good fit. I put together a pretty decent pot.

Curried Cauliflower Soup


  • T olive oil
  • head cauliflower, about 2 lbs, cut into florets
  • small onion, diced
  • 3 cloves garlic, minced
  • 1T curry powder
  • 1 tsp tarragon
  • 1/2 cayenne powder
  • 1 c chicken broth
  • 3 c water or more broth if you have it

How to:

Heat oil in a large soup pot. Add onions and sauté until translucent. Add garlic and cook until fragrant, about 2 minutes. Add cauliflower and spices and cook for 5 more minutes. Add broth and water, stir to combine. Bring to a slow boil and simmer until cauliflower is tender, about 12 minutes. Transfer contents of the pot to a blender, or use an immersion blender to make smooth. If the soup is too loose than what you dreamed up in your head, return to pot and simmer until it reaches the desired consistency.  Adjust seasonings as needed with salt and pepper, top with cilantro and enjoy!

I accompanied my soup with half a pear and a hard boiled egg as well. 

So it has been eight days since I’ve had any candy, treats, baked goods etc. so I decided it best that I give myself a little treat. What I have decided about myself is that I either swing really far to one side of healthy eating or I splurge way too much on the not-so-healthy side of things. I need some moderation and to me, that includes having a treat here or there. So today, I made another recipe out of my Babycakes cookbook. Blueberry muffins!!! Every ingredient falls within the parameters of my detox and there is no sugar in them, agave nectar is used instead.

I will not lie to you, I had two of these. One topped with coconut butter, and one without. I couldn’t resist. Therefore, muffins were my afternoon snack.

I had another little snack of a rice cake with smashed avocado and salsa before I headed out the door to go to youth group to rock a photograph scavenger hunt. My team got second place…cause they’re awesome!! 

When arriving home, I felt like I needed a little extra calories for the day (read: I was hungry) so I had some more leftovers of the chickpea dish with rice and another hard boiled egg. I really love eggs. They are so perfect and I just can’t get over the creaminess that a hard boiled version gives. It never disappoints. 

Well, another day down. I hope yours was a good one. Mine was. I got quite a few things done and I also was able to rest and bake. I also caught up on Biggest Loser and Parenthood, a couple of my favorite tv shows that I now watch all online. Having no cable is working out just fine for me! Don’t know if Kyle would say the same though….


detoxing on day 7

5 Apr

I am pooped! These past couple days have felt like I am go, go, go! Luckily I have tomorrow off. But in all actuality, the way that my to-do list is shaping up, I may end up running around all day.

This morning I was really wanting something a little decadent. I was thinking about making gluten free pancakes but I was too hungry to wait. I made another smoothie…

Pumpkin Pie Smoothie

  • 1/2 small banana
  • 1 c pumpkin puree
  • tsp vanilla extract
  • pinch of cloves and fresh ground nutmeg
  • 1/2 tsp ground ginger
  • tsp cinnamon
  • vanilla Clearvite
  • sprinkle pumpkin pie spice on top

I got to work on making some brown rice and coconut butter. If you were to go buy a jar of coconut butter at the store, it would put you back about $10 (or more). It’s so much cheaper to make your own! You put dried, shredded unsweetened coconut in a food processor…

Let it whirl for a while… scraping the sides down every once in a while and then it turns into this…

My favorite way to eat this is on top socca! I love it so much in fact that I had it twice today. Once for a morning snack and also for an after-work snack.

YuuuumMM! You can also put it on fruit, cereal, oatmeal, muffins… I’m thinking mostly in baked good terms right now because I’m planning on making a treat tomorrow :). The butter will harden after a while so if you want it creamy again you just have to warm it a little.

Lunch was leftovers from yesterday. In my last post, I mentioned that I thought the chickpea dish would be a little better with brown rice… and I was right!

I also had 1/4 of a very large juicy pear. I ate the other 1/4 of it at work, as well as some nuts for my afternoon snack. 

I feel like I have been so busy at work that I have hardly been able to get anything done. I run, run, run and at then end of the shift I don’t feel satisfied with what I’ve accomplished. Then, I have to rush home and pull together a dinner! Tonight was a salad-lentil combo. 

This pretty plate had on it:

  • spinach
  • radish sprouts
  • carrots
  • cucumber
  • lentils mixed with red wine vinegar, olive oil, and rosemary
  • tahini drizzle

This one felt a little lacking. It needed a few more things in it to make it as good as this combo was last time. Plus I felt rushed and like I didn’t get to enjoy it. I’m thinking about starting to take my lunch to work every once in a while so I don’t feel like I have to be running all the time and can actually take a break!

When I got home this evening, like I said earlier in the post, I had another piece of socca and coconut butter. Well I’m going to cut this a little short so I can go decide what fun things I am going to make tomorrow. Good night!!


the time has come…

30 Mar

I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time now. I’ve had to wait longer than I wanted because my blood tests for celiac were negative which meant that I had to keep eating gluten. But I’ve had my endoscopy done and waiting for the results. So now I’ve got the green light…

A detox. You can read all about how I detox here. I suggest doing a detox at least two times a year but not going over four (one for each season). Here are the reasons that I am doing mine now:

  • I’ve felt bloated, puffy, gassy and grumpy upwards 90% of the time
  • With the addition of gluten back into my diet, I’ve also allowed a lot of poor quality foods as well
  • I’m having serious sweets/salty cravings
  • I am not sleeping well
  • I know my body needs it

I usually try to clean up my diet, expel toxins by way of a special protein drink and exercise as much as possible, but for this detox I am trying to add a few more things:

  • I’ve started dry brushing and I want to continue that
  • I’m drinking lemon water first thing every morning (to further detoxing and moving ‘things’ along)
  • I’m adding extra probiotics and digestive enzymes into my daily routine
  • I’m going to try to take a shot of aloe everyday (there have been many studies done on the awesome healing powers of aloe, especially with those who have digestive issues, ahem, ME!)
  • I’m going to go vegetarian the last week of my 3-week detox
  • I’m going to visually log everything I eat for the next 3 weeks- I’m going to try my hardest to log it here on the blog everyday. I’ve never done daily blogging so bare with me as I figure it out 😉 But I figure that this will hold me accountable (no cheating) and it will give a me a good record to find out if foods that are not allowed have been sneaking into my diet or if something bothers my tummy… I can easily track that thing down!

I’m excited. This is long overdue. I woke up at 5:00 this morning and could hardly go back to sleep because I am so excited!

I’m off to run errands and stock up the kitchen 🙂


getting back on track

17 Mar

Prognosis negative. That was a slight reference to Seinfeld but I’m mostly alluding to the fact that my blood tests came back negative for celiac disease. I must tell you that after I received this information, at work, I was two seconds away from a mental breakdown. It was very defeating. I am so confused and to know what is wrong would be such a relief! I talked with my doctor and she suggests I go to a gastroenterologist and still get the biopsy to confirm because there is still a possibility that the test results could be a false-negative. So next Wednesday, that is where I will find myself, at the “intestines doc”.

After wallowing in my confusion and disappointment for a while, I found some energy and decided that I need to get back on track with my health. When I was off gluten for those few weeks, despite the days that I felt miserable, I definitely was eating better and I was feeling much more in shape. I will admit that since I have gotten the go-ahead to eat gluten I’ve been eating anything, with reckless abandon. This arose mostly out of  my frustration but now I am feeling just plain yucky about it all. I had been eating a lot of Girl Scout cookies (evil temptresses!) and because I’ve had no energy and felt horrible so many days I have not been working out. By my records, I have not done any planned physical activity since February 23rd? Yikes!

I have resolved to work much harder at healing despite not knowing what is wrong and to get back on track. I had planned to start a detox as soon as I found out that “I had celiac disease” (ha! so much for plans), but I am going to put that on the back burner until I have my next doctors visit. In the meantime, I have made a few goals to pamper and care for myself.

I started off by purchasing some pampering items at the store… 

A brush to give “dry brushing” a try. I learned more about this from Ashley. My skin has been itchy and dry lately so I wanted to give it a shot. Which leads me to the Aura Cacia Milk and Oatmeal Bath. This will help soothe my skin and be relaxing (can’t wait for that one). Cute pink nail polish because I never paint my nails and it sounds fun to me right now. And lastly, some basil seeds. I have tried numerous times to keep a basil plant in the house and I’ve failed EVERY time. I want to try it (again). If anyone has basil plant secrets, please offer them up! I struggle every time. I have successfully kept a few plants alive so I’m not terrible at the whole green thumb thing, just basil for some reason!

One of the goals I have set for myself includes getting back to exercising as much as possible. That is exactly what I did yesterday and it felt so stinking good! I spent 30 minutes on the bike and 30 minutes on the treadmill.So many people complain about the treadmill but often I find myself craving to get on it. To me it feels therapeutic and empowering (I know, weird). I also love to run outside but for some reason I feel like I can push myself more on a treadmill and that for some reason, is a HUGE stress reliever for me.

It is more waiting. Waiting to figure this all out. But I just can’t sit around (unless I’m completely ill) and be apathetic. I have to keep trying to be healthy. I can’t stop. I feel like that is what I have let myself do in the past month. I don’t like how it makes me feel about myself and how it makes my mind work. I have to keep trying and keep taking care of my body. I’m going to pamper. Maybe get a haircut and a massage.

But I can’t stop trying. 


today, yes today

9 Mar

So far today, my digestive system has been really grumpy with me. It seems to since the impending test that is to be done. It’s saying, “Enough already!!

Since the decision has been made to test for celiac disease, I feel like I have been carb-loading for a marathon. I’ve been munching on anything that could possibly contain gluten. My thought is if I’m going to get this test done, I absolutely want to make sure that it is going to be 100% positive or negative. There is a possibility that a false-positive or a false-negative can occur. I don’t want to have to wait any longer than I have to to figure out what is going wrong with my inner-workings. Interestingly enough, all the things that I used to LOVE that have gluten, well they aren’t tasting as good to me anymore. I’ve just been eating them to be eating gluten. Although I do have to admit that the last round of Girl Scout Cookies did hit the spot 🙂

But in all honesty, I can’t even express to how hard this past month has been. It has completely taxed me physically, emotionally and spiritually. There have been a few days that I feel just fine and then there are days where I feel like I crawled up out of hell just to spend the better part of my day feeling like a rotting corpse.

I’ve prayed.


I’ve tried to relax.


I have hardly done any physical activity.


I haven’t got any cleaning done.


I haven’t got anything done for that matter.


Except maybe for reading. I have done a lot of that lately.


I’ve sat around like a zombie.


I feel like I’m in limbo.


So I am readying myself to go get my blood test done. I hopefully will not come close to passing out. This is what happened last time I gave blood, which is quite a frightening experience.

But I can only hope.

Hope with all my heart that this will be the answer. The answer to getting back my Kaleigh-ness.